Rollercoaster ride

It is 2017.... For the last 9 years my life has been like riding a slow rollercoaster through a mine field! The details would bore you so, I will spare you. Suffice to say no matter how hard I try to do something to be self supporting, and self sufficient, something goes wrong, and sets me back. After Jim passed, I moved into my own place, which I rented from the people I was working for at the time. During that time I changed jobs, and went to work taking care of a sweet old guy named Jack, who was stricken with Alzheimer's. I had only been with Jack for a few months when his family decided to put him into a care facility. With no money coming in, it was inevitable that an eviction was to come. It did, 3 days before Christmas 2008. So, with all my things in storage, and no place to live I spent Christmas, and the following month living in my truck, alone. I eventually was able to find a new job working part time at a print shop, and found a place to stay with a lifelong friend. I worked at the print shop for almost a year, and was still only working part time. I was not making enough to move out on my own. I would usually spend my weekend going to the foot hills with a friend. Whom, add I was to discover later, was not a real friend. But that is a different story. After a few months of going to the hills I decided to move up there, to a little town whose population is 36, give or take a few now and then. I found a job at the only grocery store in the area working in the meat department/deli. I stayed with friends, until I was able to afford a place of my own. Finally I rented a place, an Airstream trailer, from one of the locals. Things seemed like they were finally coming together.... While I was on my way to work one afternoon, I got into an accident, which left my truck undrivable. It was towed away. Then two days later was dismissed from my job. Of course, then not having an income, and no vehicle, I could not pay my rent, and was forced to move back to the valley..... 🎢🎢🎢🎢🎢🎢🎢🎢🎢💈🎢🎢🎢🎢🎢To be continued...🎢🎢🎢🎢🎢🎢🎢🎢🎢🎢

Well it has been a very long time since I posted anything on here. It is time to resurrect this blog and let it live again!! This is going to be a short post however. I need to find a good topic and then write more. In the mean time have a Happy Hippie day!!

New Pictures

These are the newest pics of me. I dislike most of them, some I have made into cartoons, cuz they just look better that way!!!LOL!!!

Ever Changing

.


Wow! Another year has almost past since I last posted!!
Mostly my life is in the same state as it was last year!
I have experenced some AWESOME times, and some not so awesome times!
I actually jumped out of the frying pan into the fire, and moved up to Sheep Ranch CA A very tiny community just above Mountain Ranch. I worked at the local grocery store, had my own place, and made some AWESOME friends!!!!
But... in keeping with the way things have happened in the last few years for me,
that experence is no longer part of my everyday life.
I am now back in Stockton, once again trying to start over!!!
I am working, (THANK GOD! And some great friends!)
I have also been blessed in the fact that I am experencing a deeper friendship
with someone I have known for a long time!

So.. life continues to change, and surprise me at every turn.
Well! Now that I have written this, maybe the "Writing Muses" will become a little more active, (as they have been on "writers block" leave for WAY TOO LONG!!!!)LOL!
I know that I am ready to move forward now, it is WAY past time for me to let go of the past, and look forward!!!
Onward I go!!!!

DAVID LEE SANDERS


He entered my life, my heart, and became part of my soul, a part of my 'Self.
David shared with me All the GOOD in his Beautiful Soul.

And....
I have seen and listened to the darkness he has walked through in his life.

And......
I intimately know the tenderness, kindness, generosity, and selflessness that is the deepest, most beautiful quality of Davids essence.

Above ALL!!!!!!!...
David showed me....
And....
I have shone him....
Always... Always....Total unconditional love!!!!!

He is FOREVER my LOVE.....
My HEART.......
My SOUL.......
And......
A BLESSED part of my 'SELF'

Thank you God!!!!!
For.....
David Lee Sanders!
For EVERYTHING that he and I shared, and experienced together.
For Everything he showed, and taught to me!!!!
For EVERYTHING he is responsible for bringing out in me!!!!!

David,
Thank You!!!!!!
You.....
MY LOVE!!!!!!
My FRIEND!!!!!!!!

Unconditionally.........

ALWAYS!!!!!! Infinitely,
My HEART...
My SOUL....
Nurturer of my 'SELF'

David,
You are the love of my life.
I am blessed that I have you to love me.
Now....
you are in Heaven.
I LOVE YOU DAVID LEE SANDERS!!!!)
I LOVE YOU!!!!
NEVER FORGET!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!
INFINITELY UNCONDITIONALLY!!!!!

****************************************
Old Souls
An Original writing
By
Lexie R. Minut

To be recognized as an "Old Soul"
Is to be in the presence of another
An entity with certain definition
Yet, it cannot be defined
It has lived the ages of the Universe
Through the cycles of life, it travels one lifetime after
another
"Old Souls" know all, yet never stop learning
Seeing an "Old Soul" is a gift from God
Celebrating the existence of eternity
*****************************************
David,
IS An OLD SOUL!!!!


I have NEVER told you goodbye.
And I never will.......

We will be.....
again...................!...........



David Lee Sanders
Nov. 17, 1955 — May 19, 2008

Former Calaveras County resident David Lee Sanders died May 19 in Mason City, Iowa, hospital. He was 52.
Mr. Sanders was born in Prineville, Ore., and lived in Mason City. He graduated from Bret Harte High School in 1973, after which he served two years in the U.S. Army.
He is survived by his parents, Robert and Darlene Sanders, of Angels Camp; daughter, Margaret Perez, of Modesto; sons, Dakota Sanders of San Andreas and Lincoln Sanders of Mason City; and brother, Mike Sanders of Sutter Creek.
He was preceded in death by his brothers, Steven in 2004, and Jeff in 1990.
Memorial services are pending.
Angels Memorial Chapel is handling arrangements.

Never stop BELIEVING, Never stop LEARNING, LOVE the way YOU want to be LOVED

Contemplation

CONTEMPLATION

Have you ever tried to think of the name of a song, while listening to a completly different song. It is almost impossible!!!! It takes high concentration!!!! And even that sometimes fails!!!
Then, as soon as the song you are listening to is over, you remember the name of the one you couldn't think of!!!!

It is kind of like trying to contemplate your next direction in life, while living in a city.... Noisy, over crowded, Way Too Much HUMANITY!!!!
And then there is the ever present distractions that are a part of our everyday lives!!!

Sometimes I wish I could just sit on the moon, and contemplate, my life, my direction, and ALL that i see below......

However....
I DO have a place I love to go to just BE.
It is in the foothills.
This place I visit is comfortable, warm, and peaceful!!!!!!!
This place I go to belongs to a Very SPECIAL person in my life.
who lives on a hill in Mountain Ranch.

Thank You My Friend....
for being my Moon!!!!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO........Lexie

FORWARD MOVEMENT!!!!

Well, I finally decided it is time to resurect this neglected progect!
It has been a little over a year now since I have been alone with-out Jim.
He is still in my heart, and in my thoughts everyday! I recently heard a song that expresses some of what I feel deep inside of me.
The first time I listened to it I was pretty much sobbing!!!!!

The name of the song is:"When I Look To The Sky", it is sang by a group called 'Train'....
They also sing my most recent "integrel" song,(a song of growth for me),
The name of it is "Drops Of Jupiter"
I drive my kids crazy with the number of times in a row they must hear this song while driving in the car!!! But, they know me, and how much I love music! And YES....
I DO let them play thier stuff too! I even like some of it!!!

It has been a year of ups, and downs, forward movement and setbacks!
It has been a year of hard realiziations, and revelations.
I have re-evaluated ALOT, relationships, opinions, goals, priorities, ect.
Some things, and people will just never change, and I have learned that I must accept those things, and people as they are, or be willing to let them go.

I have a hard time leaving the people in my life behind, especially those who in some way or another left an imprint on my heart. For me it is like losing a part of my SELF.

But on the other hand, moving forward sometimes is impossible without lightening our "load"

Life is offering new oppritunities, and experiances for learning, and growing, and yes....

FORWARD MOVEMENT!!!!!
Thanks for traveling next to me GOD!!!!

It has been roughly 2 months since my last post.
Life is still kind of uncertain, but I can only
control what I do with this uncertainty.
It is very strange to move forward alone, without
the person you have spent the last six years with.
I have moved on before, but never quite like this.
If you have ever hade a husband, or boyfriend/ wife
or girlfriend who has passed away then you probably
will be able to relate.

It is like everything you do is missing the other half.
And I don't know if it ever will feel right and whole again.

Still life really does continue. I still work,visit friends,
(more so than before), and do the everyday stuff we all do,
But now there seems to be less purpose, more stress and confusion,
less comfort, more lonliness,and seemingly endless tears. Just
when I think I have cried all I possibly can, sothing will remind me of all I have lost, and "GUSH!" the tears start all over again.

Then there is the single life....sure it has its perks, but
it doesn't compare to having someone to share your everyday with.

But I suppose this is all a part of the process when the one you love has gone to heaven, and you are left behind to carry on.
I know things will not always be this way, but in the meantime I am feeling empty,
and confused, but I know God will light the path to positive change, and there will be happiness for me again.

I have published this poem in an earlier post but it seems right for where I am at at this point and time





Butterfly Spirit

Spirit of a butterfly, grounded by life
Wings heavy, can not fly
No nector to feed on, only strife
Does this mean the Spirit will die?

Strength is waxing,need to rest
Find a new cacoon and hide
Worry not, the Spirit is blessed
Guided by God, these wings will again fly

Spirit of a Butterfly, feed on His nector
Wings gain strength, flutter and fly
Navigate away from the dark sector
Spirit soar high, aim for the sky

An Original Writing By; Lexie Minut

Suddenly Upside Down!!!!!!

Well, I guess you all think I disappeared. Well, I am still here. It has been over a year!!!! There is too much to write about in one session. So, I am just going to say that over the past year my life has been.......unpredictable!!!, to say the least!!!!
My whole world has recently been turned up-side down, and I am in the process of picking up the pieces,and it feels kind of sur-resl, like I am in a vast vortex that seemingly has no boundries!!!! Keep me in your thoughts, and prayers! Thank You!!! I will update as much as possible, and catch you all up on what is happening. I love all of my Friends and family who have been so supportive, and have been here for me!!!! If not for youall, I am not sure what I would do!!!!THANK YOU!!!!!

What Dreams May Come

It has been awhile since I posted the works of my Muses, and I think it is about time
I did so.
This one is titled:

Stranger In Your Dreams
An original writing by:
Lexie R Minut
1984

And he comes to you and takes your hand
He pulls you close to his strongness
Tenderly, he holds you, and touches your soul
You know his gentleness
He looks into your eyes
Searching for what he might find
He sees the depth of your needing
And almost fills the emtiness there
Now you lay there
Darkness all around
Realizing it was only a dream
You once again close your eyes...
Hoping to recapture the stranger in your dreams

I'm Back/The Good, The Bad, and The Priceless!!!

I'm baaaaaaack!
For those of you who might still check-out my blog:
I have not had internet access for over a month and a half, due to the fact that there are insecure, juvinalistic, mean, and controling influences in my life!
But I am taking the necessary steps to correct this! Baby steps, though they may be!!!
Anyway, it has been an eventful time, some good things and bad things have taken place.



Short Version:

Car fixed!= Good
Car Towed!= Bad
Car recovered=Good
Now in debt to relitive=Bad
Worked for a while= Good,and Bad
Looking for new job=Good and Bad
Not taking anymore bullcrap=GOOD!
Relationship= Bad(but with some improvement)

kids doing better in school=Good
Friends who share= GOOD( Otherwise I wouldn't be writing this right now!)
Having transportation again= PRICELESS!!!!!!

O.k., your pretty much updated on my drama. So on to more entertaining things!!!
Here is a poem I wrote on July 5th, 2004

Light
(like a butterfly)



An Original Writing
By
Lexie Regina Minut
7/5/04


Everyday, walk in the shoes of the ones you love
Carry with you vision; to see through thier eyes
Understanding; to gain insight to your own true Self
Strength;to gather wisdom, a rare gift!
Use the strength within you to keep your Soul and your Self
in harmony
Most importantly carry openness; use it abundantly!
Let it form a union with strength, combining the two are VITAL to the Self
All of these things are part of the wholeness that is you!



Here is another original poem written when I was about 16 or 17 years old. I think the insperation for this one came from watching
someone close to me battle with the cancer that invaded their life.


TERMINAL

( Picture from the internet.
used for illustrative purposes only)

An Original Writing
By
Lexie R. Minut
1978 or 1979

I'll come up and shake your hand
Then I'll laugh as they bury you in the sand
I'll follow you everywhere you go
I won't leave you alone untill I see you up above or down below
I'll stick around till the curtain falls on your final act
I'll be with you till then and that's a fact


Well it is good to be able to share again!
Thank you for not giving up on this blog!!!
I hope you come back, and I hope you have found your visit enriching.
Untill next time..... (I promise it will be soon),
Never stop learning, Never stop believing, and, Love the way you want to be loved!!!

Thank you God for everyday angels!